Tuesday, December 29, 2015

The Force Awakens (Part 2)


Star Wars:  The Force Awakens (Part 2)

[Spoiler alert – I’ve waited a week but don’t want to ruin anything for anyone, so if you haven’t seen it and you are going to, read this after]

[I believe my opinion is different than many others who have experienced this move.  Realize that’s what opinions are all about]

[Some of my comments might appear to be nitpicking.  Don’t mean them as such, just helps to make my point]

 

 

. . . I was disappointed.

 

It started out great (I missed the 20th Century Fox Fanfare but at least I wasn’t greeted by the Princess Palace in all metal with a Storm Trooper clad Tinkerbell sprinkling Pixie Dust).  The words appeared

“A Long Time Ago In a Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . “  My stomach knotted the way it did every time I saw that on the big screen.

 

The music blared – Star Wars appeared and got sucked back into the star field.  The recognizable in style, not words crawl began and I was brought into that galaxy I missed so much.  And the movie started.

 

First, general thoughts.  After about 40 minutes, and enjoying the film, I couldn’t get the feeling of “this isn’t Star Wars”, out of my head.  I couldn’t place my finger on it.  About 2/3 of the way through I started second guessing my zealousness of purchasing tickets for two more viewings, one set for a showing  two days away with a friend and another for a week down the road, with the kids, this time in D Box.  At the end I was, well I was disappointed.  I couldn’t put my finger on why.  Why I felt, though I enjoyed the movie and the characters, and seeing some old friends, disappointed.  I still had that sense that it wasn’t Star Wars.  Then it hit me, and this is such an internal and personal feeling that I can’t really explain it, it lacked the heart of Star Wars.

 

 

 

Let me say this again, I really enjoyed the movie.  It was fun, I liked the characters (both new and old), there was plenty of action, the story was good, it looked beautiful.  It just missed for me.  So I needed to start digging.

 

Han Solo was great to see again.  Matured as anticipated.  I did at one point think he was wearing Indiana Jones’ jacket.  But he was great.  Great action flick for Chewbacca.  There is some controversy over his weapon.  Some wonder why it had taken Han that long to fire it; some say that the Bowcaster is no t designed for humans and that Han couldn’t fire it if he wanted to.  Me, I just enjoyed the scenes.

 

 I liked Rey a lot.  It was nice to see the continued usage of a strong female character.  Rey was especially appreciated as unlike Padme and Leia before her, she has to struggle just to stay alive.  Her strength comes solely from within as she was abandoned at such a young age.  Finn was fun.  I thought he was a bit too goofy (The Big Deal stuff and the I’m with the Resistance “soliloquy’).  Beyond that, I liked what I saw. 

Leia was terribly underutilized.  ‘Nuff said.

I enjoyed C3PO’s appearance and comments but there was something about his appearance that bothered me.  I was fine with the red arm; the rest of him looked too plastic.

 

Looking forward to seeing more of Poe.  I liked Captain Phasma.  She was reminiscent of Kala form the 1980 Flash Gordon.  I really liked seeing an increase number of females on both sides of the ‘aisle’ in this one.  I very much enjoyed Maz.  Great character.  Looks great, fun to listen to and watch.  She’s a Yoda contemporary, wonder if anything happened between them.

Kylo Ren, I was okay with him (even his Darth Tantrum moments).  At first you might be thinking a young Darth Vader, but they have such different child hoods.  I am guessing he is about the same age as Anakin when he became Darth Vader.  Anakin had a lot of training as a Jedi and maturing before he made the decision to turn.  Ben Solo on the other hand had to be a very young child especially if Luke’s been gone for about 20 years.  He left because he lost Ben to the dark side (hmm, remember how Obi Wan blamed himself for Darth Vader).  So there was no maturity turning and most likely not entirely self motivated.  We will see what happens with him

 

Other than the characters, I did like the action and the settings and just about everything else.  It just still didn’t ring true for me.

I also really liked the moment between Kylo and Vader’s mask.  Hearing him referred to as grandfather gave me a bit of a chill. 

 

I was disappointed in how R2 was handled.  It makes no sense that he was deactivated in order to keep the map a secret (can’t imagine why else he was powered down).  As a friend of mine pointed out, he is the best secret keeper there is.  He held the information about the whole Skywalker family in his memory banks,  Threepio’s memory had to be erased.  My theory I she was basically shut down until needed.  Luke felt a disturbance when Han was killed and reactivated him to aid in his being located.  Or Rey (and will get to my theory on her in a bit) being present did it.  If you follow the original trilogy, you would think R2 would have been with Luke all this time.  Speaking of Luke, that last scene, though beautiful, really bothered me.  The movie should have ended with some form of celebration (or more appropriately a memorial for Han).  The finding Luke felt like a tack on because the fans would have been pissed if he wasn’t in this movie.  Of course we were all waiting for the “The Force is strong in my family” monologue, but whatever.  And while I’m on R2, there is a scene with he and Threepio where he says something and Threepio slaps him across, basically, the face.  Now we’ve seen Threepio berate him and kick him (lovingly) but that slap, sorry, it sure seemed a bit too much.  Maybe they didn’t want to repeat the kick but I found this harsh.

So what’s going on with Leia.  She was the only Force sensitive left after the Battle of Endor (as far as we know) and she never got any training.  If you read the Return of the Jedi novelization it really keys in on her being pretty into the Force.  I would think she would have been the first one trained.  Doesn’t make logical sense.

And speaking of the Force, how is it that Finn can yield that lightsaber on par with Ren.  He even gets a hit in on him.  Quite a battle for someone trained to use a blaster and maintenance on the Starkiller.  And yes, I’ve considered that maybe they train Stormtroopers to use weapons (like that cool electrical thing the guy fights Finn with) but why.  As far as they know, they will never have to come up against lightsabers.  Remember all the Jedi, sans Luke, are gone.  I do have a theory on Finn that might explain it.

And why couldn’t Ren get that lightsaber out of the snow.  Hell Luke, with very little training was able to do it on Hoth.  And he was upside down.  I’m okay with Rey’s abilities because they had already been established.  Again, a bit too good too soon but, after all, this isn’t Star Wars.

The Starkiller, what the hell???  All of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, there is a scene circa 1938 Germany with Hitler addressing the troops and then they shoot this thing off.  Hey, I’m good with the scene as it was but give us a little background and maybe even some purpose other than just wanton destruction.  At least with the Death Star there was discussion as to what it did and an actual motivation for using it.  Both times.  And how close together were those 4 planets anyway.

It’s been what, 30 years since Return of the Jedi.  Suddenly Luke Skywalker is a myth?  I get Han (and Luke) could be considered legends but it’s been less than half a century.  Don’t they have books and classes and History lessons?  So, one might argue, the force was considered an ancient religion in Star Wars (oh, sorry, A New Hope) and it had only been 20 years since Revenge of the Sith.  The differences, those 20 years were und oppression and suppression of the truth.  History is communicated in such an environment as whispers and stories and ultimately become myths and fables.  Return of the Jedi brought on a freer society.  It plays well but doesn’t make sense.

 

I guess there’s a thin line between homage and remake.  I think that line was tread here.  There was quite a bit that seems to have been copied from the original.  The parsecs mention (which I thought was great considering the controversy over it) was great. The trash compactor mention, loved it.  I would have liked a reference to Han shooting first with Greedo.  Who knows, maybe Chewie mentioned it.  But there were giant pieces that seemed like they were lifted right out of the original.

Overall, too many questions.  I’ve heard this defended by many with the idea that we know there are going to be sequels that will explain things.  And I guess that’s the way movies are made these days.  You leave gaping holes because you know or hope they’ll be answered in a future movie or book or other media outlet.  And yes, I know that Episodes 2 and 5 left us needing more, but as Lucas explained, they were second acts, needing a third act to complete the full story.  The first act, in my opinion, should be stand alone.  The entertainment value is what should leave you wanting more.  I believe that’s the way many of us felt after the original.  We couldn’t wait to get invited back to that world.  Not because we needed to but because we wanted to. 

 

And yes, I have theories.  Many in line I’m sure with the mass population.  The first, most obvious, Rey is Luke’s daughter.  I believe she was born after his self imposed exile which is why there would have been no sense of family when she meets up with Han and Leia.  I’ve heard she’s Ben’s twin but I doubt Leia’s memory was erased and there would have been something upon their being reunited.  But she’s such a great pilot, must be Han’s daughter!!  Luke, like his father before him, were both great pilots.  Makes sense that it would come natural to her as well (remember, Anakin was the only human that could race a pod).

 

The day after I saw the movie for the first time I must have received a dozen messages and emails asking who the old guy in the beginning was (Max von Sydow’s character)  I had and have no clue.  He certainly was presented as someone we should know.  My first thought was General Dodona from the Yavin Battle but I think he would be older.  I kinda wanted him to be Wedge, cause I miss Wedge.  Another thought was General Madine from the Endor battle.  He does have a name and it isn’t any of those so no clue.

Someone told me they thought that Finn was the son of Lando Calrissian.  In an effort to continue to insist on relating the Black characters to each other I jokingly said he was probably the grandson of Mace Windu.  Then I gave them some thought and the lightsaber battle some thought and, well, hmmmm . . . . .

 

I’ve seen it 3 times, I will see it again.  My last viewing I enjoyed much more than the first.  I’m still not feeling the heart.  I still think something is missing.  But, after all, it is called Star Wars.

 

Maybe it’s the Earth 2 equivalent to a galaxy far, far away . . . .

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Part 1)


Star Wars:  The Force Awakens (Part 1)

[Spoiler alert – I’ve waited a week but don’t want to ruin anything for anyone, so if you haven’t seen it and you are going to, read this after]

[I believe my opinion is different than many others who have experienced this move.  Realize that’s what opinions are all about]

[Some of my comments might appear to be nitpicking.  Don’t mean them as such, just helps to make my point]

 

As many of you know, I am a pretty big Star Wars fan.  I have been since I first heard of the movie in December of 1976.  Even more so as I began seeing articles and stills through the early part of 1977.  I became so enthralled with them film that the girl I was dating refused to let me refer to it by name.  I had to call it “The Movie”, and even then, rarely allowed to mention it.  No, I was not there on May 25, 1977.  I was 17, scared of driving on the Schuylkill Expressway, and a theatre in Philadelphia was one of the less than 30 screens it debuted on across the country.  I waited, graduated high school, and waited, changed my name to Uncle Gregg (now Unkle Gregg) and waited, flew to Germany and back and waited.  Then it was suddenly July 21st and I lined up (7th in line) for the 1:15 PM show.  Prior to leaving for the theatre (at the Valley Forge Sheraton, I might add) my mom expressed her concern, “I hope you aren’t disappointed.”  I was far from disappointed.  The film that would alter my life unfolded before me.  I booed when Darth Vader appeared.  I held my breath as I entered hyper drive.  I gripped my seat as I flew down the Death star trench.  And I cheered when our heroes received their medals (poor Chewie).  I left the theatre with just 2 questions, when will I see it again and will there be more.  I saw it again the next day, then 2 days later, then 3 days after that.  By the end of the year, I had seen it 8 times.  Every time fully enjoying it. 

 

Life happened, more Star Wars happened.  Things were happy.  I remember reading about a year after Return of the Jedi came out that Lucas said that next he would tackle the first three episodes and that he was waiting until the actors were old enough to portray themselves in the final trilogy.  Somewhere around Empire, he had talked about 12 movies, three of which were just off shoots. 

 

Early 1990’s I read an article based on an interview with Lucas.  Nope, he was done, no prequels, no sequels.  By now, Star Wars had entered the world of the written page, and this seemed to be the fate of that Galaxy far, far away.

 

The Special Editions happened.  Hell, I enjoyed them.  Why complain, it was more Star Wars!  Yeah, we all know Han shot first (until my recent discovery I posted about in Facebook revealing the mysterious third shooter on the “sandy” knoll).  It was great seeing them on the big screen again. 

 

More waiting.  The prequels, which I didn’t mind at all.  Sith is my favorite followed by Clones and then Phantom Menace.  I get that they were expository.  I get that the first one was geared at kids and subsequent ones for older and older folks.  I get that Episode I wasn’t going to be about Anakin becoming Darth Vader.  I was a fan from way back.  I enjoyed what was presented before me, whether it is what I personally wanted or not.  Not my Galaxy to play with.  And they still had the heart of the first.  They still felt like Star Wars.  Side note, watch Revenge of the Sith and follow it with Return of the Jedi.  There is something that happens to Jedi that wasn’t there when I first saw it (no, not the apparitions at the end).

 

Then a bunch of stuff happened, oddly the stars were of the appropriate age and Star Wars VII was announced.  Very cool.  What’s Lucas got planned?  Why was he so protective of this part of the timeline with the novels?  How old are the twins?  Does Luke go bad (again)?  Wait a minute, what was that?  You aren’t filming Lucas’ story?  You are getting rid of the expanded universe?  That’s cool, JJ Abrams is a big fan and knows his stuff and he did (in my opinion) a great job in reenvisioning Star Trek (note, reenvisioning, not continuing).

 

At 7:00 PM PST, on December 17, 2015 I sat, third row center, reclining chair, surrounded by my kids to see the first new Star Wars movie (not including Clone Wars) I had seen in over 10 years.  And my mother’s words rang true.  I was disappointed.

 

To be continued . . .

Friday, December 11, 2015

My Relatives from France


My Relatives from France

 

I don’t remember the actual day I discovered this but I have loved it ever since.  I mean, how simply perfect and appropriate.  I’ve always loved my name and so much more now.

 

So, I know you’ve heard of my relatives from France.

 

You know, The French Stickelers!!

 

I only wish I had mentioned this to my Dad.  If he hadn’t thought of it himself, it would have given him a good laugh.  The day will come that I will hand this information down to my son (though he’s a clever lad, may catch it himself).

 

But honestly, with being descended from these French Stickelers (if you aren’t hearing it, say it out loud) there is quite an expectation to live up to.

 

Have a nice day!!

Monday, December 7, 2015

On Line Dating Part 3


Online Dating Part 3

 

Okay, I’ll be honest; these dating sites have become my Candy Crush.  Addictive and can’t help playing whenever I am sitting with my tablet.  Let me start out by saying, I know, there are a lot of scammers out there.  Believe me; this is done pretty much for recreational purposes.  For a precaution, however, I never go to one with my credit cards easily accessible.

 

I’ve mentioned this before and I will again, I have met a few (very few) nice people through these sites and in most cases, I am pretty sure they are real.  My first clue?  They haven’t asked for any money.  And on the occasions where I have video chatted or met them, they look the same as their pictures.  Oh yeah, and they aren’t 32 and in love with my profile pic.

 

I joined a new site recently.  A friend told me about it and the gateway sites Id been on had started to dry up.  Within 24 hours of posting (basically my name, gender, age and gender I am interested in) I received over 25 “likes” or “winks” as they call them.  Many reached out to me via the sites messaging board.  Some just said hi, some told me how handsome my picture was.  Well of the two pics I have up there, one is me as Groucho.  I’m hoping they meant the other one.

If they reach out to chat, I normally respond.  Then they immediately want to get off the site and talk on hangouts or through texting or email.  Once on the alternate site they tell me all about themselves.  Where my first dalliance leaned more towards the fashion industry, these ladies are nurses or nursing students.  Some in Ghana, on in South Africa, one in Ireland, a couple in Nigeria.  They are all single, Catholic, and live with a roommate or with their uncle, as their parents have recently died.  And most importantly, they are all desperately in love with me.  Between my profile pic (or Groucho) and a few quick little chats of hi, how are you and the one I send first, just looking to meet people, I guess I become unbelievable desirable.

 

Jump forward a few days.  One has asked for a cell phone.  One wants me to help out with her bills.  One has hinted to me investing in her families, yet to be determined, business.  I will say that they have been quite consistent when they send a variety of pictures.  Almost always the same girl.  On the other hand, their speech patterns differ depending on what time of day we are chatting.  And they prey on what I guess appears to be low self esteem.  Constantly building me up. I’ve considered flying to Ghana and running for president there.  I am that wonderful.

 

Nope, I’m not falling for it.  All in good fun for me.  And the time they spend with me is less time than they spend with some other sucker who might actually send them money.

 

Just to be clear, I started with the online thing to meet people.  And I have been very fortunate in that regard.  This part is just all out fun for me.

 

Well, gotta run, just got another proposal.

 

[if you so desire, look for Online Dating parts 1 and 2 in previous Blog entries]

 

Monday, October 26, 2015

Victoria's Birthday Present


October 23, 2015          

 

 

 

In this story I am going to talk about my daddy. So lately I have been writing a new story called The Story of my Life, where I picked out all the bad things that have happened. In this story I will be talking about my daddy helping me on the way and the memories.  Before I start, I want to tell you daddy, thank you.         

The first thing I want to tell you are the things that my daddy helps me with. He helps me when I am sad and  when I tell him about my day and if it might be mean he never says don’t say that or don’t be mean and that is very nice for me. One of the memories I liked with him actually was pretty recent. It was when we went to Lego Land. I loved all of that. One of things that he helped me with there was when I couldn’t go to sleep and he stayed up with me until I fell asleep and it was very kind of him to do that and I really love that about him. I also loved going down the big yellow water slide with him. It was really fun. I also love what he got me for my present this year and I don’t know if I can say thank you enough. It was also really hard for me when I went on the Oregon trip because I never thought that I could leave him for more than 3 days. All the memories I have with him are my favorite. And if I was in Inside Out I think all my memories with you are the special memories that make the islands if you remember that. And daddy I always want you to know I will always love you so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so much. I love you daddy.

                                            Love,

                                                 Victoria    

Carrie on stage


Carrie:  The Musical Experience

 

A little history.  Carrie is one of my favorite movies of all time.  I saw it when I was 16 and it got me.  Not just the ending (although my friend grabbed my wrist out of fear at the same moment as the screen shot, that was fun), but the whole thing.  The build from start to climax, the music, the use of split screen were all tremendous as a build up to the ultimate scenes.  I especially enjoyed the homage to Psycho (Bates High School, the violins, the edits before she got into the bath) and the symbolism (the school’s mascot was a bee, an insect that stings once and dies).  And the casting, wow.  Piper Laurie was amazing.  Amy Irving gave what I consider her best performance, just the right amount of underperformance to get the point home.  William Katt, he was just adorable.  The sparkle in his eye was what you wanted to see when he asked Carrie out and when they subsequently began to discover their feelings.  Nancy Allen, who was just the right mixture of hot and bitch.  P.J. Soles with her goofiness. Betty Buckley with her caring and maternal instincts.  I’ve always felt it was Travolta’s best role.  And Sissy Spacek as Carrie.  Perfect.  Brilliant transformation.  Loved her and loved the movie (can you tell).

 

About 20 years ago or so (I don’t remember and honestly it’s not necessary to be exact), I heard they were making a musical.  My first thought was, how?  My next was, where can I see it?  If I recall it was either far off Broadway or in London or something.  I remember reading that Betty Buckley was playing the mother (thought that was a great idea) and then it disappeared.  One of those many shows that open and close and no one is the wiser.  Jump forward to a few years ago.  I heard about the production again.  I found the music on Amazon (and bought it).  And I waited for the opportunity to arise for me to see it.  That opportunity appeared on October 17, 2015.  And I took it.  I got two tickets for the 11:00 PM (yep 11 at night) show.

 

The doors of the theatre were decorated to appear as if there were people inside struggling to get out.  They were frosted over (to appear as if the theatre was full of smoke) and you saw hands, or arms, or heads pressed against the inside of the glass.  Very cool.  Throughout the lobby there were prom posters and tables with flowers and sashes and tiara’s.  The signs (indicating the rest room, the lobby, the balcony) had bloody handprints.  There was one whole room decorated to look like the farm where an innocent pig would give up its life for a practical joke.  Another small room had been done up to look like a locker room with a wall of showers and a bloody message “Carrie White Eats Shit” scrawled across it.  There was an empty ball room with balloons and a disco ball and the remains of furniture.  A locker, Carrie’s, with books and a statue of the Virgin Mother.  In the Men’s room, aside from the bloody handprints, one mirror had the words, They’re all going to laugh at you, written in blood.  Talk about getting you in the mood.

 

The play itself was performed in the round on the stage of the theatre.  You enter through what looks like the entrance to a school gym and the seats are actually bleachers.  Three sections, Sophomores, which were in the back and highest up, Juniors, which were closer but just behind the Seniors, 4 sections of 4 rows of bleachers, 6 across a row.  We were soon to find out that the Senior bleachers moved throughout the play to get you into the action.  For example (and minimal spoiler alert) during the infamous shower scene (while Carrie writhes on the floor being pelted by . . . well, you know), the seats are moved right into the action.  In a way, making you as guilty of intimidation as Carrie’s school mates.

 

I am not going to go through a scene by scene reconstruction or analysis; I strongly recommend taking the opportunity to see this play when it comes to your town.  I do want to say that it is potentially the best theatre experience I have had in a long time, be it community theatre, semi professional, or professional.  The staging was unique but necessary for the show to work as it did.  The acting was top rate.  You pitied Carrie, you understood Sue, you fell for Tommy, and you hated (yet were charmed by) Chris.  The absolute best performance was Carrie’s Mom.  Wonderful voice and in a role that has the potential to go too far, restrained.  Really enjoyed the music (especially now that I had some additional context from the CD I’ve owned for 2 years).  And the effects, great.  In many cases you had a sense of how the telepathy was being executed, but it really didn’t matter.  It drew you in.  One fun note, when the blood dropped on her (and I was thinking they would use streamers or sparkles or something, but they used real, well stage, blood), I felt a little something on my wrist.  I looked and there were two drops on my arm.  I later discovered a little more on my shirt.  This just added to the moment.  There’s a part of me that hopes it doesn’t wash out of the shirt.  Oh yeah, and there is nudity in the shower scene.

The beauty of this production was that it wasn’t a horror story.  Where the movie, and to some extent the original book, seemed to be more about suspense and scares, on stage, the story is more about the characters and their interactions.  It wasn’t about the prom and what happened there, it was more about how and why they got there.  It’s difficult for me to actually put the feeling into words but I wouldn’t call this play a scary play, it was much more a drama.  A study of actions and resulting consequences.

 

Finally, the true test of a play to me is the desire to see it again.  Well, I was ready to go back the next day.  And I still will try to see it while it’s running in Los Angeles.

 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

30 Minutes or Free (formerly titled Unnamed Story)



Preface:  No not Deja Vu, I did post this before under the title Unnamed Story.  The new title was inspired by someone who read it and how they referred to it.  It'll probably make sense at some point.. 
A little background.  I wrote this about 20 years ago.  I just started putting words to paper (or screen actually) with no clue where things would go.  I thought this guy was kind of interesting.  A bit different as well.  This was initially the first chapter of a story about this guy and his exploits.  Honestly, by the time I finished writing this, I really despised the guy.  I tried continuing but couldn't.  He just didn't seem to deserve it.
Well, its years later, and I've read the story a couple of times and I started wanting to find out what happened to him after all this time.  What his life became.  I have some ideas and plan on once again putting word to screen and see where this guy takes me.  In the meantime, hopefully you will enjoy.














David tried to go back to sleep.  It wasn’t going to be easy.  Jackie had stolen most of the covers and had spread out to cover what seemed like two-thirds of the bed.  “Why did I let her sleep here tonight,” he thought as he slipped out of bed.  He padded lightly out of the bedroom and closed the door gently behind him.  “Early morning nookie, of course.”  He sat on the couch and took a cigarette from the pack lying on the table.  Looking out the window, he saw the first rays of the sun shining just above the horizon.  He rolled the cigarette between his fingers and coughed lightly.  His throat was still raw from the combination of cigarettes and singing from the party last night.  He lit the cigarette and took a long drag.  A brief dizziness overcame him.  The lightheartedness, a result of the fresh nicotine combined with the stale beer he could almost feel flowing in his gut.  He knew he was still hours from the obligatory hangover.  He picked up a blue plastic cup that was filled almost to the top with beer.  He sipped.  Warm and flat with a distinct, all too familiar flavor.  Just below the surface floated a cigarette butt.  He reached in and pulled the butt out, examining it, his fresh smoke dangling from his lips.  He flicked the butt towards, but not into, a large garbage can across the room.  “I’ll get that later,” he thought as he guzzled the remaining fluid in the cup.  The hangover could wait a little longer.


The ‘party’ started out as a friendly night of Poker and cigars.  Just a few friends from work who had nothing else to do on a cold December evening.  He was bored.  Lynn was away for the weekend visiting her folks.  “I have to take some clothes to the dry cleaner,” had seemed like a reasonable excuse to avoid the three-hour car ride and countless inquiries regarding marriage, children, and home purchase.  Lynn wasn’t convinced.  No tears this time, just a few jabs at David’s parents and the over used “When are you going to grow up?” as the door was slammed.  This, he had thought, was his chance to be a stereotype.  While still in bed at 11:00, he ordered a pizza.  No shower, no shave, he pulled on an old pair of gym shorts when he heard the doorbell twenty-five minutes later.  He stopped in the kitchen for a beer on his way to the door. 




“How much?”  He was fumbling through a wad of mostly singles when he opened the door.




“Seventeen twenty nine.”  This was not the voice of the usual middle aged driver he came to know.  David looked up.  Before him stood an image of beauty, no, cuteness, no adorableness was probably the best way to describe her.  She couldn’t have been more than nineteen.  David estimated that she stood about five foot three, the perfect height.  Her brown hair was tied into two pigtails.  Her uniform was just a smidgen too tight and the top two buttons of her shirt were open, revealing just a hint of cleavage. 




He on the other hand was wearing no shirt and, as he had joked so many times before, showed just a hint of cleavage.  His ‘beer belly’ hung just over the barely functioning elastic waistband of his shorts.  His hair was matted down in the front and sticking up, haphazardly on either side of his head.  He appeared to be the quintessential dirty old man and the look in his eyes, slowly rising to focus back on her face, didn’t help the image at all.  This was not the first impression he wanted to make on this voluptuous little darling.




David took the pizza from her and placed it on the floor.  He fumbled through his bills and pulled out a twenty and two singles.  “Keep the change,” he muttered and tried to suck in his gut, knowing the damage had already been done.




“Thank you.”  Such a delicate voice.  She started to turn.




“Ya know, I was expecting Vince.”  He tried, unsuccessfully, to flatten his hair.  “If I’d known it would be someone like you . . .” The sleep was out of his voice and he was able to let it deepen and soften slightly.  “Well, let’s just say, you’re not catching me at my best.”  He allowed a friendly, almost inviting, smile to form on his lips.




She turned back, smiling shyly and gazing at her shoes.  “Well, maybe some other time.”  Her words were nearly inaudible.




“It’s working,” he thought letting his eyes soften.  “Hey, who knows, I might get hungry again later.”  He leaned casually against the door frame.




“I work till seven.”  And in a flash she was gone.




David shut the door and allowed his smile to become more of a grin.  “Seven, I’ll have to remember that.”  He picked up the pizza and headed into the living room.  He took a long drink from the beer and opened the pizza box.  He removed a slice and took a bite.  “Damn,” he thought, “it’s too hot.”  He replaced the slice and sat in the large lounge chair in the center of the room.  “This is the life”, he said out loud as he took another gulp from the beer bottle.  He reached for the remote control and turned on the television.  He surfed right to the soft porn pay-per-view channel and keyed his secret code into the remote.  Almost instantly the image of naked bodies locked in an embrace covered the screen.  He reached for a cigarette and sat, smoking, drinking beer, and watching nature taking its course.




The novelty wore off in a mere three hours.  The pizza, at its room temperature best, was half eaten.  Three empty beer bottles sat on the table.  An overflowing ashtray balanced precariously on his stomach.  And a series of wavy lines with vaguely discernible female body parts graced the screen.  After the movie was over, David didn’t bother paying for another.  He just sat and watched the channel click off to the sight before him.  “Now what?”




David considered his options.  He could sit here for another few hours, possibly pay for another movie (but the plots were so thin).  He could go out (looks like snow, though).  He could sleep.  He could call up Delores and maybe get some ‘Afternoon Delight’.  No, that wouldn’t work.  Delores had been less than ecstatic after Lynn moved in.  The only time they got together was when she was in the mood.  And that was happening less and less over the past few months.  David was sure she was seeing someone else now.  Was that a twinge of jealousy in his stomach?  Nah, he just needed another piece of pizza.




He reached for another slice and continued his list.  He could call a few buds over and play a night’s worth of poker.  “Now there’s an idea.”  He was re energized.  “Who to call?”  Most of David’s friends were married, a few with children.  Why did they get so dull since tying the knot?  He paged through his address book and found a couple of guys that were always ready for a little action, especially if they had a chance to win back some money from him.  John was into it and promised to bring beer.  Dan said he couldn’t, plans for the theatre with his chick.  Bob asked if he could bring a few friends along.  The night was taking shape.




David decided to straighten up a little, not that there was much to do.  Lynn kept the place immaculate.  “Someday I’m going to stop cleaning up after you and then where will you be?”




“Exactly where I started,” David would answer in his mind.  His response was usually a little puppy dog smile that he knew she couldn’t resist.




He filled a bag with miscellaneous trash that had been accumulating since Lynn’s departure the night before.  The beer bottles clinked as he picked up the bag trying to remember where the garbage shoot was.  He couldn’t remember the last time he took the trash out.  He stopped in the bathroom before leaving the apartment with the bag.  He wet his brush and ran it through his hair, attempting to even out the contour.  “Maybe I’ll see that little cutie from 2B.”  He swished some mouthwash and walked to the bedroom.  Opening a dresser drawer, he located a T-shirt with a few rips and fake bloodstains that read “MY PARENTS WENT TO TIENAMAN SQUARE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT.”  He pulled it on and headed to retrieve the bag of trash sitting by the door.  “Can’t you ever close a drawer?”  Lynn’s words ran through his mind.  He turned, looked at the open drawer and smiled to himself.  He walked out of the room.




A few hours later everything was ready.  He had set up a card table in the center of the room and pulled six chairs around it.  It had taken some time to figure out where Lynn had hidden the poker chips and cards.  He moved a large garbage can into the living room and placed a number of ashtrays around.  Lynn didn’t let him smoke cigars in the house, but they were going to play poker.  It was a necessity.




After showering, David looked around the room one more time to make sure everything was fine.  He was smiling.  This was gonna be fun.  He glanced at his watch and noticed that seven o’clock was approaching.  “Why did that time seem to mean something?  The guys aren’t getting here till at least eight thirty.”  He remembered and went to the phone.  “That’s right, three large with everything and get it here soon.”




Just after seven the doorbell rang.  He quickly glanced in the mirror, practicing a few smile variations.  He decided on the ‘friendly-but-pained’ look and opened the door.  There she stood again, pizzas in hand.  She was now out of uniform and wearing street clothes.  ‘Street walking’ clothes was more like it.  She wore a floor length, obviously fake leather, coat that was open revealing a too short pleated blue skirt, a white shirt, three buttons undone now giving an excellent view of her cleavage and a peek at the bra clasp in front.  The pigtails, white socks, and loafers completed the ensemble.  A Catholic schoolgirl fantasy flashed in David’s mind.  He fought the urge to leer and forced a look of confusion onto his face.




He looked at his watch, stealing another glance from the corner of his eye.  “I thought you got off at seven,” the sentence had been scripted the moment he hung up the phone from ordering the pizzas.




“I thought I’d make one more delivery on my way home.”  The shy giggle was something only a teenager could perfect and, for that matter, get away with.  David noticed that the shyness was starting to dissipate as she looked over his shoulder to examine the room beyond.




“Well, would you like to come in?”  The question dripped with innocent sincerity.




“I don’t want to bother you, ya know, if you’re busy.”  The shyness was back.  She shuffled her feet.




“No bother.  I had a few friends coming over but they just called and said they’d be a few hours late.”  He saw a smile form on her face.  “Might as well start on the pizza.  If you’re hungry.”  The last, a mere whisper, and feigned nervousness.




“Sure, okay.”  She handed him the pizzas and walked past him.  “Nice place.  After this morning I pictured something a bit different.”  There was a strange confidence in her voice as he saw her toss her coat onto the couch.




“I guess I’m a bit of a neatness freak,” he nervously laughed continuing the act.




“Or your girlfriend is.”  She was playing with, no, fondling the chips.




“Excuse me,” for the first time in ten minutes he was caught off guard.  “Just let her continue,” he thought.  “Don’t dig yourself a grave.”




“There were a couple of times I delivered here.  I guess you weren’t home.”  She turned over a card.  “Queen of hearts.”




“Huh?”  He hadn’t been looking.  He had turned away to hide the flush in his face as he was quickly trying to figure a way out of this.




“Queen of hearts, silly.”  She walked towards him holding the card out in front of her.  As he turned she was standing less than a foot away.  “Must be my lucky day.”




She dropped the card and looked up at him.  Her eyes closed slowly.




David pulled back a bit nervous.  “Um, can you excuse me?  I have to get something from my bedroom.”  He walked quickly, closing the door behind him.  His usual improvisational skills were escaping him.  This wasn’t the script he had written.  He fumbled for the switch on the lamp by the bed when he heard the door open behind him.  He turned to see her, bathed from behind in the light coming from the other room.  She was unbuttoning her blouse.




“Hey,” she said softly, “where’s my tip?”




It took less than an instant for him to make up his mind.  “Fuck it,” he thought ironically as he slid his arms into her shirt and they embraced.




The clock read eight ten as David awoke from his half-sleep like state.  The delivery girl, he never did get a name, lay asleep by his side.  There was the tiniest of smiles on her face.  He was exhausted.  “I’m not as young as I used to be,” he thought as he looked upon her half-covered body.  She moved slightly revealing a perfect breast he had become quite good friends with.  “But she certainly is.”  He shook himself.  “The guys are gonna be here soon,” he thought as he shook her lightly.  She stirred.




“Hi,” she smiled up at him.




“Hi.”  He was all business now.  “Listen, I hate to do this, but my friends are gonna be here soon and, well, we’re gonna play poker.  Ya know, guy stuff.”




“Sure,” the smile remained.  “I understand.”  She sat up pulling the covers to her neck.  “Can you get my clothes?”  She motioned towards the clothing trail that led to the bed.




“Of course,” he answered as he sat up and pulled on his boxer shorts.  He got up and began playfully tossing her clothes at her.  He walked into the bathroom.  Given other circumstances he would have watched her dress, maybe allowing it to add a few more hours to the evening’s entertainment.  But time was of the essence.  John was notoriously on time.  Not that it mattered, but John’s girlfriend was a good friend of Lynn’s and John had a habit of talking in his sleep.




He looked in the mirror and saw that, as expected, his hair was sticking up in patches.  He licked his hand and rubbed down his hair.  He ran the brush under the faucet and tried brushing it down.  It would have to do.  He felt a pair of arms reaching around him and a hand headed towards his shorts.  He grabbed the hand and turned to face her.  She had a dreamy smile on her face.  He sat lightly on the marble-by-appearance-only counter and tried to stop his natural impulses.  “I’m between a rock and a hard place,” he thought and smiled.  She must have interpreted the look differently because she gently kissed his neck, then his chest.   He glanced at his watch.  “Shit!”  He caressed her hair lightly.  “You really do have to go,” he said gently with a hint of honest disappointment.




She rose slowly from the crouched position she was now in.  “I know.”  She looked into his eyes, her lower lip purposely sticking out in a pout.  He kissed her gently.




At the door, he kissed her again, this time with more passion.  She seemed to hold on just a bit too long.  She pulled away, flashing a magnificent smile.  “Give me a call sometime.”  She walked around the corner. 




“Sure will,” he called to her as he closed the door.  “See ya later, um, Pizza Girl.”  He walked over to the table and picked up the phone book already opened to the Pizzeria section.  He ripped out a page, tore it up, put the pieces in a large ashtray, and set them aflame.  He took a cigarette from the pack on the table and lit it from the small fire starting to burn out in the ashtray.  He sat down and took a long drag.  Smoke and a content laugh escaped his lips.




As David finished his cigarette the doorbell rang.  “Coming.”  He extinguished the butt and headed to the door.




“Let us in.”  There was a banging.




“Us?”  David opened the door.  There stood John and his current girlfriend Vickie.  They both held brown paper bags with potato chips and pretzel rods peeking out above the top.




“Are you just gonna make us stand here?  This beer is heavy.”




David moved out of their way.  “Come on in.  You know where the fridge is.  Oh, I got some pizza a while back.  It should be cool enough by now.”  He glared at Vickie as she passed him laughing with John over a joke he must have told in the car.  “It’s guys’ night,” he thought.  “Why would he bring a chick?”




“I hope you don’t mind that I brought Vickie,” John answered the unspoken question.  “I talked with Bob and he said he was bringing a few friends, too.”  His tone turned too sweet, “Plus she just wouldn’t let me out of her sight.”  John pecked Vickie lightly on the cheek.  She returned the gesture.  David had seen this many times before with every girl John dated.  Some sort of mating ritual, he presumed.




“No, it’s fine.”  David’s enthusiasm started to drain.  And now Bob was gonna be over with his friends and their chicks.  “I shouldn’t have let, what is her name, Pizza Girl go so easily”, he thought.  “Yeah, right, and then Vickie would tell Lynn and I’d have to go without for a week while I talked my way back in to her good graces.  His mind reeled.  This was one of those situations that longed for the presence of Lynn.  He hated being uncoupled in a group of couples.




“Have you heard from Lynn since she left.”  Was that a note of sarcasm in Vicki’s voice?




“Yeah, she called last night to let me know she got in and to remind me to not smoke in the house.”  He lit another cigarette. 




“How come you didn’t go?”  Give me a break Vickie.




“I wasn’t in the mood for her folks reading me the riot act over premarital cohabitation.”




“So, when are you two gonna get hitched, anyway?”  What was this, the Spanish Inquisition?




“Hitched?  Is that actually a word?”  Maybe that would shut her up.




“Let it go,” John interrupted as he handed her a beer.  “It’s none of our business.”  He sat on the arm of the couch next to Vickie and started the ‘pecking’ ceremony again.




Our business?”  David looked up perplexed.  “Maybe I should be talking to you about this hitched thing.”  John looked at Vickie and then turned to David.  He started to laugh.  Vickie joined in.  David, giving in to temptation, let himself laugh, too.




The doorbell rang.  David moved to the door and opened it, tears in his eyes.  “Come on in asshole.”




“Excuse me?”  That was definitely not Bob’s voice.  David looked up.  There before him stood the image of beauty.  Behind her, Bob and a group of five stood shivering, hands filled with bags of food or six packs of beer.  Bob held an open bottle of something, obscured by a brown paper bag.




“Hello, I’m David.”  She was gorgeous.




“Hello, I’m freezing.”  Bob pushed past her and almost collided with David.  “And I have to take a piss.”  He knew which way to head, and did.




“Come in, come in,” David motioned to the others.  They followed his direction without hesitation.  David followed the young woman with his eyes as she walked into the living room and tossed her coat on the slowly forming pile on the couch.  John and Vickie exchanged greetings and introductions with the new group as David gathered up the coats.  He went to his bedroom and tossed the coats on his bed.  He could still smell the light scent of a too sweet lemony perfume.  “Pizza Girl, where are you now?”  He laughed as he reentered what had definitely turned into a party.




“Give me a hand.”  David turned to John, motioning to the card table.  Vickie grabbed the cards and chips as the two men folded up the table.  David passed Bob coming out of the bathroom as he carried the table to the spare bedroom beyond.  “Who’s the chick?”




Bob had obviously started partying hours earlier.  “Don’t know, she drove Sean here.”  He took a swallow from the mystery bottle and walked, well stumbled, to the living room.




“Who’s Sean?”  His voice was drowned out by the stereo that someone had just turned on.




“So how’s Lynn?”  Vicki’s sarcastic voice came from behind.  She had followed David into the spare room and was closing the door behind herself.




“She’s okay, I guess.  You talk to her, why not ask her yourself.”  He tried to maneuver around her but she blocked his only exit.




“I haven’t spoken with her in a few days.  And you know we don’t talk about everything.”  She took a long pull from the bottle of beer she was holding.




“Don’t go there,” David thought.  He fell into a chair.  Vickie took a final drink from her beer and placed the empty bottle on a shelf.  She approached him slowly.




It was two months ago.  Lynn, Vickie, John, and David had gone out for dinner.  It was one of those nights that you felt like getting dressed up, drinking overpriced wine, and eating food that was just too expensive for your budget.  They shared three bottles of wine at the restaurant and another two when they returned to Lynn and David’s apartment.  Lynn, being the petite woman she was, crashed on the couch, falling immediately to sleep.  David, being the large man that he was, was the least drunk of the quartet.  He offered the spare room to the other two.  “Can’t sleep in a strange bed,” John informed his friend.




“Tell me about it,” Vickie retorted, louder than she had wanted.




“I’ll take you home and you can get your car tomorrow.  Not too early, I have a feeling Lynn’s gonna sleep in.”  They all laughed and headed out the door.




John was the first to be dropped off.  He offered Vickie housing for the evening but she declined, something about a headache from all the smoking.  This was the first time David witnessed the ‘pecking ceremony’ and he hoped it would be the last.  Needless to say, it wasn’t.




When David pulled up in front of Vicki’s building she asked if he’d walk her to her apartment.  It seems a light was out in the hallway and she was nervous about going in herself.  David made a sarcastic crack about it being all right for him to come back through the darkened hall as he parked the car.  They were laughing as they got out.  As they approached the apartment through a well-lit corridor, guess the landlord finally did something about it, Vickie offered David to come in for a cup of coffee.




“Well, I don’t know, it’s late and . . .”




“Come on, one cup of coffee.  I don’t think I can get to sleep and the company would be nice.  Hey, it’ll give us a chance to get to know each other if I’m gonna be dating your best friend.”




The logic seemed impeccable.  On top of that, he wasn’t that tired nor too thrilled about returning to Lynn’s snoring.  “What the hell.”  He followed her in.




The apartment was small and almost vacant.  There was a couch, a coffee table, a TV on a folding table, and a combination radio/record player/tape deck sitting on the floor.  “Have a seat,” she motioned to the empty side of the couch.  The other side was piled with newspapers, junk mail, and magazines.  He moved to the couch as she went to the kitchen, began to remove some of the stack, thought better of it, and sat on the floor.  He flipped through a small stack of records then began looking through some tapes.




“Mind if I put on some music?”  He called to her finding a seventies compilation with a few songs he liked.




“Be my guest.  By the way, how are you gonna want it?”




“I’m sorry?”  He nearly dropped the tape.




“Your coffee.”  She poked her head from around a wall.  “Cream, sugar, black?”




“Dark tan and a spoon and a half of sugar.”  He placed the tape in the deck and turned it on.  “Where’s your bathroom?”




“Only door on your right.”




When David returned, Vickie was placing two mugs on the coffee table.  He noticed a lit candle in the center of the table that he hadn’t remembered from before.  “Hope it’s okay.”  She sat on the floor and gestured for him to join her.  “Oh, I love this music.”  Funny, so did he.  When he was younger he couldn’t wait until the disco craze ended.  Now he could stand it and actually liked some of the music.  He joined her on the floor and picked up the mug left for him on the table.  There was an awkward silence.  David only knew Vickie from meeting two times, tonight being one of them, and what John had told him.  In a rare moment, he was without anything to say.  He sipped at his coffee.  She almost had the perfect blend of cream and sugar, but there was something else.  David could taste the unmistakable flavor of whiskey.  He sipped some more.




“Could you excuse me?”  Vickie got up and headed for the only door remaining.  He glanced in as she opened the door.  It was dark. 




“Probably the bedroom,” he thought as he took another sip of his spiked beverage.




Two songs later, The Hustle and Hot stuff, the door opened again.  Vickie stood there in a sheer, black negligee.  David recognized it from one of John’s stories.  “I had to get out of that dress.”  She reached for a light switch.  In an instant the room was dark.  A soft flickering from the candle was the only light.  Vickie sat next to David, took the mug from his hand, and leaned forward.  The Village People’s YMCA started playing.  She brushed David’s lips lightly with her own.




“What’s going . . .” She placed a single finger over his lips and then replaced it with her own lips.  It was a deep passionate kiss.  John had told him about this, he was right.  She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer.  He thought of resisting.  He didn’t.




David stood by the door looking at Vickie sleeping soundly.  The negligee strewn next to her on the floor.  He thought about waking her, decided against it, and left.  As he walked away from the door, he could hear YMCA playing once again on the stereo.




They had never spoken about this since.  And now . . .




Vickie crawled to where David was sitting.  She straightened up, still on her knees and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.  For the second time since they met, David was speechless.  She unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and kissed his neck.  The next button was undone.  She followed, once again, with a kiss.  She stopped and took a sniff.  “New cologne?  Smells like lemons.”  He didn’t answer.  She continued unbuttoning and kissing until there were no more buttons.  The music from the other room was getting louder.  David recognized it immediately.  YMCA.




“They’re playing our song.”  Vickie reached for his zipper.




David finally found his voice.  “Vickie, I don’t think this is a good idea.”




There was a banging at the door.  “Hey, what’s going on in there?”  John sounded buzzed.  “I hope you’re not in there screwing my fiancee.”  He burst into laughter and stopped pounding.




“Be right out,” David called to the door.  “You’re engaged?”  He was whispering to Vickie.




“Yeah, he asked me on the way here.”  She sounded apathetic.  “I said yes.”  She pulled down David’s zipper.




Fifteen minutes later David and Vickie exited the room.  David was paging through a Dictionary.  He stopped on a page and pointed to an entry.  “There, exactly what I said.  I hate to say I told you so, but . . .” Vickie tapped him on the arm.  He looked up and saw that nobody was paying attention.  Their little charade was unnecessary.  Bob was on the floor, asleep.  His arm was around a sleeping girl that David hadn’t met.  John, the man who must have been Sean, Harry, and a little blond were in a deep conversation about the increasing cost of cigarettes and beer.  From the bottles and ashtrays surrounding them, it didn’t seem that they were being affected too badly.  That girl, the one who drove Sean, sat alone on the couch, nursing a beer.  Vickie stepped over Bob and joined her fiancee, wrapping her arm in his.  She glanced over at David and gave him a wink then joined in the group’s conversation.  David walked to the couch.




“Hi, I’m David.  I guess we got off to a bad start.”




She took his hand.  It was soft and warm.  “Jackie.  Interesting group of friends.”




“They’re a bit odd, but harmless.  Can I get you another beer?”




“Sure.”  Her smile brightened.




David weaved his way into the kitchen to retrieve a beer.  He stumbled over Bob, stirring him slightly, on the return trip.  He opened the beer and handed it to Jackie.




“Thanks.”  She rocked slightly, holding the beer tightly in both hands.




A new song started.  Under the Boardwalk.  David’s ears perked as he turned to the rest of the group.  The conversation in the corner stopped and John caught David’s eye.  David nodded and stood up.  He half turned to Jackie.  “Excuse me.”  The group got together in a circle and started to sing, using their beer bottles for microphones.  As the song continued, they went through a routine they had done hundreds of times.  When the song ended David returned to Jackie and the group conversation started again.  It was as if nothing had occurred.  “Just something we do.”  His tone was a bit apologetic.




Jackie laughed.  “I thought it was great.”




“If you liked that, just wait.”  He returned her smile.




The evening continued.  Twenty-two songs later -- including performances for Stop! In the Name of Love, the theme for Hawaii Five-Oh, YMCA (David couldn’t look at Vickie who was giggling nervously), and David’s solo of I Left My Heart in San Francisco – the apartment was in a shambles.  There were empty beer bottles all around, two stains from spilled beer, and a fog that had formed from the cigarettes and cigars.  David had spent the better part of the evening talking with Jackie.  He learned about her childhood, college days, and ex-boyfriends.  David knew that the way to a woman’s heart was by listening.  How many times had he heard the complaint about how men only want to talk about themselves?  His unique M. O. rarely failed.




And now all that was left of the party was overflowing ashtrays, half empty beer bottles, and another in a series of one-night relationships.  David looked out at the sunrise as he heard a door opening.  Funny, it really sounded like two doors opening.




“Look David, we have to talk.”  Shit it was Lynn.  He turned to the hall where he expected her head to come around any second.  There, blocking his view, was Jackie.




“Coming back to bed, sweetie?”  She wore a coquettish grin and nothing else.




“What the hell happened here?”  Lynn had made it around the corner.




“Who the fuck is she?”  They were in such perfect sync it could have been rehearsed.




David couldn’t speak.  It didn’t matter.  He took a drag on his cigarette and rested his head in his hands.