Math vs. The Pill

I once thought about a village that practiced birth control based on the theories of mathematics.  There is a theory that pretty much states in order for an object to go from one place to another it must first go half the distance to that destination.  Try it, it works.  Then, in order to reach that destination you need to travel 1/2 of the remaining distance.  And then one half of that remaining distance and so on.  Given this, the object will never actually reach the destination, just get infinitesimally close.  Apply this principle to the sperm cell fertilizing the egg.  Not only does it need to reach the egg, it needs to penetrate the egg.  But it can't.  It barely makes it to the egg.  And for years, the application of this principle served as the perfect means of birth control.  Until the population started to die out.  the residents grew older, it was mathematically impossible for them to procreate, they were distraught.  And the village and its culture would have died off entirely until the came up with a solution.  They decided to adopt.


And for those of you who might remember me from Algebra I and II, this was where my mind went when I looked off into space, pencil eraser between my teeth. 

And yes, I am Still Pissed . . .

On the way to school today we heard a track from Return of the Jedi.  It's from the scene where Luke is heading off to confront Vader and Leia tries to stop him.  I will paraphrase as I did in the car as the music played.

"But you have a power I don't understand and I'll never have."

"Yes, you do .  The Force is strong in my family, my father has it, I have it, (long dramatic pause as he looks deeply at her and realizes they swapped spit a few years back) and my sister has it"

"Yes, I know, I've always knows (this is the point where Victoria yells out "and you still kissed him, ewww!")"

"Why must you confront him?  Run. Far away.  Get out of this place"

"No I must face him.  There is good in him.  I have felt it"

And then I lost it.  What the fu . . .  (I realized the kids were in the car) . . . hell!!  And look at that.  She doesn't understand it and never has it and he ends up running far away!!

Oh, damn, I have to get this out of my system!!

I'll say it again, it wasn't a bad movie, but it WASN'T a Star Wars movie.

Equal Oppurtunity Offender

If you follow this blog, are a Facebook friend of mine, or have ever just met me, you know that I operate pretty much without a filter.  If I find something humorous or observable, I will state it.  I never mean to offend but hell, all humor is based on some sort of pain.  I actually wrote a paper in college called "I Only Laugh When It Hurts" describing that very premise.  My influences growing up were Bill Cosby (sorry, but he was a pretty funny guy), George Carlin, Woody Allen, Alan Sherman, and Tom Lehrer.  Not to mention The Smothers Brothers, Laugh In, Pat Paulsen, and Early Saturday Night Live.  These are my roots.  I learned from all of this (and my Mom who had such a cutting wit) that it needs to be universal.  I can't be afraid to make fun of something or someone due to race, religion, gender.  I figure if I am as universal as possible it explains that I have no issue, in reality, with any of them.  And I don't! 




I say all of this because I was once chastised for making Jewish jokes.  I was told as a Jew I shouldn't make fun of my people because that makes it okay for others to put us down.  Oddly Judaism is full of humor.  Some of the best comedians and comic writers are Jewish.  The Talmud, from what I understand, is a virtual laugh riot.  Oddly the best comedians do tend to be minorities because laughing at yourself helps to get you past a lot of the pain.  I truly think they movement towards political correctness has hurt this and we see it in the oversensitivity in our society.  But I digress into the seriousness.


I do, by the way, have my limits.  I do not joke about the Holocaust.  I find nothing funny in slavery.  And I try to steer clear of the Inquisition (thought kudos to Mel Brooks and Monty Python).  and actually I did make a comment once about the Jews building the pyramids (still waiting for my 40 acres and a camel) and they should have had one of us do the nose job on the Sphinx, cause, well look at it.




So really this is all a preamble to something that hit me a few weeks back.  It's one of those, I can't believe someone else hadn't thought of this years ago.  And for all I know, someone did.






I was going to dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in years and someone I work with said they had a Groupon for the place 10% off.  When I looked it up I found 25% off and it hit me, that with that big of a discount they should really call a Jewpon!!




Yes yes, poor taste, but at least its better than using that word to discuss a JAP's (Jewish American Princess) sanitary products.




Yep, the week between Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, probably not the best time for observations.




Take Care all

This'll be Quick -- another T shirt idea

As I'm starting to consider this blog a bit of a memory retention for me I wanted to get something else in the books.


Years ago I was working with a woman who was pregnant.  No, not me.  Happily married, one or two other kids.  Suddenly one of those idea things popped into my head and I got her an xl T shirt which I had printed with the following.


Sex Isn't All It's Knocked Up To Be


Bet these would have sold out of the maternity section. 

Straight out of . . . .

So I'm at my stepson's football game the other night (they won 51 to 14).  He plays for the Calabasas Coyotes and I saw a number of people wearing Straight Out Of Calabasas t shirts in support of the team.  Suddenly something hit me.  What a homophobic movie that was.  I mean what about being gay out of Compton.  Not even considered.


This is where political correctness now has my mind going.


Then I thought some more (always a danger) and decided to do my usual and throw political correctness to the wind.  I wished I was back a year and was ready to pull off a major marketing coup.  This is so amazing in my eyes, I am sure someone did this and my subconscious just brought it back up.


Why not t shirts reading ---


STRAIGHT
OUT OF
THE CLOSET


Okay now, move along, move along.

There is a difference.

As I typed the title (above), all I could think of was a blindfolded chef running through the streets of Paris.  Scene from the little known (and not as funny as I had hoped -- Tunnelvision -- which I suddenly want to see again).

For years I thought the terms "being a dick" and being an asshole" were fairly interchangeable.  Two years ago I identified the difference.  In order to not get myself into trouble, I will us a (or is it an) hypothetical to present said difference.

I dated this girl a number of years ago.   We were steadily dating and fairly exclusive for over 2 1/2 years and just when I thought it was getting serious, she broke it off.  She was bored of the relationship; she need her space.  Bottom line, someone else came along that she wanted to be with more than me.  Hey, it happens right?  Life goes on.  I did pine for awhile.  Hoped that she would end the other relationship and come back to me.  My friends consoled me.  Told me that she wasn't worth it.  Move on.  The usual.  I was happy I didn't get a lot of the "yeah, I never liked her but didn't want to say anything."  Heck they liked her, it just had run its course.

So I moved on.  As did she.  Circumstances were such that we did see each other, on occasion.  Always polite and personable and no ill feelings.  She got engaged, broke it off, dated someone new.  I did what I do  best, just kind of met who I met.  Spent time with some, none with others.  Had my alone times and my busy times.

Jump forward two years.  Her car breaks down and she calls me, just to vent.  wasn't the first time; wouldn't be the last.  Ends up her car needs to be in the shop over a long weekend because there were parts needing replacement.  She needed to get to an event about 100 miles away, and had no transportation.  This was well before the age of Uber.  She was in a bind and told me (yep, didn't really ask, but told me) that I needed to drive her to the event.  wait for the 3 hours it would go on, and then drive her back.

My first thought was, "Go screw yourself, get your last boyfriend to do it!"  I didn't say that because then I would be being a dick.  Instead I drove her, waited, drove her home (even bought her dinner on the way back).  THAT was being an asshole.

Think about it

Yep, still pissed

I'm driving the kids to school the other day and some music from The Empire Strikes Back comes on. 


Comes on?  Let me explain (cause God forbid I should make a comment without having to justify it).  I have a GPS in my car (not attached, separate Garmin unit) and it plays MP3's.  I put about 2700 tracks onto a micro sd (8gb) of various piece of my collection and play them , in alphabetical order (which ultimately is as random as shuffle without the darn thing resetting every time I turn it on), over usually about 2 to 3 months.  When it gets through everything, a new sd is inserted with some of the same music and some different stuff.  I might do themes (like as may Beatles recordings as I could find by both the Beatles and those covering the Beatles so we can do a compare and contrast, a bunch of music from Glee, radio serials, musicals -- comparing stage and movie, etc.).  Sometimes just a bunch of different stuff.   This one particular disc features a lot of stuff from the Star Wars movies, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, and more of a similar ilk.


So, I'm driving the kids to school the other day and some music from The Empire Strikes Back comes on.  It happens to be the scene in the Wampa cave, so as it's playing I'm doing the whole Wampa walking, Luke hanging upside down, reaching for the lightsaber, lightsaber barely moving, Wampa walking, lightsaber leaps into hand, Luke upright swinging saber and running out.  Took me all the way through "The Jedi Master who taught me." 
Okay, so most of this was at a red light and pretty much just me waving my hand around and making lightsaber noises and weak Luke utterances and a bad Obi Wan Kenobi imitation.  But my kids enjoyed it (when they weren't looking at each other and wondering how they got stuck with this guy for a father).




And then my mood went from levity to just downright pissed off.  I couldn't hold it in.  "So," I say to my kids and that audience that I believe is there because I truly think my life is just a series of TV episodes, "here we have the son of Darth Vader, Darth Vader, he who was so strong with the force that he was made of the midichlorians.  He who had a higher count than Yoda.  Here's his son, who has had a little bit of training from Obi Wan, a Jedi master, barely being able to move a lightsaber from the snow, a mere inches away.   Yet some random chick (I say stuff like that when I'm ranting) with no Force training almost bests the grandson of the very same fallen Jedi with all the midichlorians.  IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE!!!" 


"I MEAN . . . !!!"  They calmed me down.  Told me I have to stop thinking about it.  Love my kids.


But, I am still pissed.

Th Fight

The Fight

 

 

They decided to see Raiders of the Lost Ark, again.  Sure they had seen it together 4 times and had a combined total viewings of 11, but it was a Friday and it was playing and what the heck. 

 

The ride to the theatre was a bit trying for Rich.  For some reason Gregg was on this rampage about finding him a date.  This always got under his skin.  Sure Gregg was out every other night with another of his young “groupies” but Rich wanted more from a relationship than “the old slap and tickle” Gregg referenced his meaningful relationships as.  Little did Rich know, this was going to be a night to remember.

 

They arrived at the Plaza theatre about 30 minutes before the show.  Gregg had this uncanny need to be early wherever they went.  As they approached the ticket counter, Gregg stepped ahead.  “I got this,” he commented.  He gave the cashier a bit of a look.  She seemed to be about 17, cute, blonde, and reading a page worn copy of Watership Down.  “Two for Raiders, eight fifteen show”, he pushed a ten dollar bill through the slot and awaited the tickets and change.  She barely glanced up at the two of them, took his money and delivered back two tickets, a crumpled dollar bill and two quarters. 

“Enjoy the show,” her voice was barely audible between the glass and her face being down, looking back at the book.

 

“Hey,” Gregg started.  Rich felt a knot form in his stomach.  “What time do you get off?” She looked up with a start, glanced at him, as a smile slowly formed on her lips.

 

“Well, elevenish.”  These a bit louder than her earlier comment.  “Need to clean up after this show and close up.”  She let the book close and began to twirl her hair with two fingers.  “Why do you ask?”  She leaned in slightly towards the glass separating the two of them.

 

“Come on, let’s go!  I wanna make sure we get good seats,” Rich grabbed at Gregg’s arm which was unmovable.  “Every time,” this to himself, “why does he have to do this every time?”

 

“Well, I was just thinking,” his voice got a bit quieter, almost sounding shy, “uhm, well, if you aren’t doing anything after the movie you might want to . . .” he paused for affect.  Rich started to turn away as he rolled his eyes.  “Go to Denny’s with my friend here.”

What the hell!!  The expression on Rich’s face clearly expressed the words he was thinking. “Uh, Gregg, what did you . . . “he couldn’t complete the phrase as he turned away.  Angry, embarrassed, a little of both?

She looked over Gregg’s shoulder to see Rich clearly for the first time.  The smile faded slightly.   “Well, I don’t know I have a lot of work to get done this weekend and . . . “Rich pulled Gregg away by the arm.

“Sorry, he’s a bit out of place, don’t mean to bother you,” Rich said over his shoulder as he dragged Gregg away.  “What the heck are you doing?  I don’t need you to be fixing me up.  Especially with kids.”

“Lighten up.  Just a little harmless fun.”  Gregg pulled away from Rich’s grasp.  “It’s just, well, I never see you dating anyone and thought maybe . . . “

 

“Here’s an idea,” Rich was genuinely getting upset, “Do what you’re best at and stop thinking.”  The comment struck Gregg as more funny than anything else and he looked up at Rich with a smile.  Rich couldn’t hold his anger, shook his head, and smiled, making sure Gregg didn’t notice.

 

As they approached the candy counter Gregg turned to Rich, “Hey, I gotta go to the little boy’s room.  Can you get me a large Popcorn, no butter, Jujy Fruits and a Coke?” He reached in his pocket but Rich stopped him.

“Sure, and hey, you got the tickets, I got this.”

“Thanks,” and he headed across the lobby to the Men’s Room.

Five minutes passed, and Gregg caught up to Rich as he was attempting to gather all their food while retrieving his change from the girl behind the counter.  She was brunette, probably about 21, and carried an air of authority about her.  “Must be the manager or something,” Gregg thought as he reached for the large bag of popcorn.

“Perfect timing,” this from Rich as he slid the large soda over to Gregg.  He pocketed his change and began to pick up his medium popcorn and small soda.

“Hi there,” Gregg smiled at the young lady.  “Gregg Stickeler, Damn glad to meet you.”  He feigned a salute with the hand holding the popcorn.  As a small amount fell to the floor, Gregg thanked the writers of Animal House for the umpteenth time.  The girl smiled cordially and hoped someone else was in need of some candy or drink as she turned away.  “I see you’ve met my good friend Rich,” he stressed the name just a bit too hard.

“Please shut up,” Rich looked to the ornate ceiling of the lobby.

“We’re heading over to the VF tavern after the flick and it would sure be nice if you could join him, I mean us,” the correction of words was purposely obvious.  “I know you probably get out about eleven or eleven thirty.  I’m sure he won’t mind hanging around.  I have a friend meeting me there so I’m sure she won’t mind picking me up here first.”  He was really pushing the issue.

“Thanks, I’m flattered,” she looked towards Rich, feeling his pain, “but I just don’t think so.  You seem like a nice guy, Rich is it?  But I don’t think my boyfriend would understand.”  She looked at the usher approaching the counter from Theatre 1.

“Let’s just go see the movie,” Rich smiled absently at the counter girl as he nudged Gregg to Theatre 2.  “Will you please stop it!”

They found seats in the middle of the theatre which was oddly only about a quarter full for a Friday night.  Granted the movie had been out a few weeks already, but still, it was Raiders.

 

They watched the movie.  After the credits, Rich did his best to rush Gregg out of the theatre to avoid the counter girl, the usher, and the cashier.  They drove to Denny’s and ordered their traditional Saltines and Coke.  They sat for 30 minutes or so discussing the movie and the new things they had spotted.  “No,” Gregg insisted, “that was not See Threepio on the pillar.”  He then went on with his usual diatribe about how Lucas’ concept was really good but Spielberg didn’t know how to direct a chase scene.

Gregg grabbed the check, eyed it, and turned to Rich.  “Well with tip it’s like three dollars each.”  He reached into his wallet and pulled out a credit card.  Rich handed him three dollars, which he pocketed.  He put the bill and the card at the edge of the table.

“Let me get that,” a woman’s voice, “Bob just went on break.”  Gregg looked up.  For the second time that night, Rich felt a knot in his stomach.  She was probably at least thirty.  Attractive, Gregg thought, in an older woman sort of way.

“Hi there,” after all these years Rich was still surprised at how Gregg was just able to turn that smile on without a seemingly second thought.  “You new here?”

“Nah,” was that a slight Jersey accent? “I usually don’t work the weekends but my husband’s out of town and we really need the money so . . . “  Gregg was able to maintain the smile even with her incessant gum chewing Rich knew he couldn’t stand.

 

“Husband, huh?  That’s a shame.  I’ve been trying to find a date for my friend here for a concert next weekend, and . . . hey, wait,” inspiration flashed in his eyes, “you got any friends?  He’s a great guy.”

 

Rich stood up, more embarrassed than angry this time.  “Look, I’ll wait for you in the car.”  He left, not saying a word to the waitress as he slid past her and out into the night.

 

“This is getting ridiculous,” Rich, in a rare moment of annoyance, almost yelled.  “Could you just stop it!”  All Gregg could do was just smile, almost as if he was telling himself a joke.

They drove off in a rare silence.  The radio was on but not a word was spoken.  Rich slowed the car and stopped at a red light.  Gregg peered out the passenger window as red VW beetle pulled up beside them.  The convertible top was down and he could clearly see a very attractive red head in the driver’s seat.

“Hi!” Gregg yelled to her in order to be heard over the dueling radios. “What’s your name?”

From behind her shoulder, a man’s face appeared, a very angry looking man.  “Who the hell wants to know?”

Gregg didn’t skip a beat.  “My friend here was wondering. .. “ he never completed his sentence as the light changed and Rich sped away down the street.

 

At least that’s what they were planning to tell everybody.

Things I've Always Wanted to See In a Movie

For years I had a couple of images I figured if I ever make a movie, I need to incorporate.  Nothing where attention is drawn to it.  Just a quick sight of it in the background or off to the side.  One of those caught it on the second viewing kinda things.

A Gasoline tanker pulled off on the side of a rode.  Not a freeway, more of one of those rarely travelled stretches of road like in the southwest.  Or central New Jersey  The camera is in the car with whatever character interaction is gong on.  A few seconds later you see a lone truck driver, walking, looking hot an d bewildered, carrying a gas can.

The second one has been deemed offensive by many.

I handicapped parking spot that seems empty but on a closer review you notice there is a wheel chair chained to a pole next to it.

Later as our characters enter a grocery store, we see a man, crawling on the ground, just using his arms to propel himself forward.

Yep, that's the kind of background action I'm looking for.

Again, this isn't as much for general entertainment but to make sure I don't forget.

Thanks for listening.

New and Old Musings

Its been quite some time since the last time I had a chance to put some of this stuff down on paper.  Well, not really paper, but we all know what I am getting at.

Ive recently discovered some GGG'isms from the past and I thought best to get them etched before I forget.

I also have a couple of newbies.  One is going to be called inappropriate and bigoted and the other just plan wrong.

Ah, the beauty of the GGG'ism.

Here we go --

Looks like its going to be an Abbott and Costello kind of day.

If the made a TV show based on my life it would be a Surreality show.

 Self doubt is really the worst kind yet oddly the only kind.

Whats the definition of a Booty Call?  When a gay friend butt dials you.

I was at a bar the other night and I overheard this woman say to her friend, "He was such a cold ass bastard, when I sucked his dick I got brain freeze."

And on that note . . .

Ive been meaning to jump on here with my revised version of Dr Seuss' If I Ran the Zoo.  I've always held a certain belief about zoos and finally think I found a way of putting it into words.

I also will be recounting the story of when I was writing a play in high school.  Actually more interesting than it sounds.



Oh yeah, almost forgot (and this is for those of you following me a little bit closer than most), I was watching the Olympics last week and damned if half the women's track team from Ghana weren't girlfriends of mine.  Have to say, dressed very fashionably.

That's it for now.

Dreams of Note

Dreams of Note

 

I’ll admit it.  I have weird dreams.  Always have.  I had a dream once introduced by Rod Serling as if it was a Twilight Zone episode.  And though I dream in color, this one was in black and white.  I have had credits at the end of my dreams.  Very cinematic stuff as well.  I had a dream once that contained a few split screen scenes.  I once had a dream that continued over 4 or 5 days.  One of my most realistic dreams I had in my 20’s.  A group of friends and I were at the mall after closing.  We were dressed in all black with black make up on our faces, like commandos.  Suddenly giant walls came in down in front of the store fronts.  Concrete walls that dropped heavily onto the floor until all but one small area the size of a desk was covered with concrete slabs.  As my friends and I approached stealthily across the second floor, we saw a door open and in walked Hitler with body guards and high level associates.  They approached that square that was left untouched.  We looked over the railing to see.  He was at an ATM.  Our mission, find out his PIN number. I woke up just before we got it.

 

As a kid I was pretty good about getting myself out of scary dreams.  When things got really bad I would just think, well time to wake up.  And I would.  Years back, while still married, I was having a horrible dream.  I don’t remember what it was, but it was terrifying.  Hard as I might, I could not wake myself out of it so I started screaming, “Sarah, Wake me up!!  Wake me up!!”  Thankfully she did.

 

And yes, I’ve had my share of walking to school naked dreams and brakes going out dreams.

 

To this day I still dream about an old apartment I lived in (not in real life but in a dream) that I left some boxes in under the building in a storage cave.

 

About a year ago, I had a dream that I went to pick up the kids at their Mom’s apartment.  Instead of waiting downstairs and texting I came up and knocked at the door.  She opened the door and as we were talking I looked over her shoulder.  On a table behind her were two live miniature T Rex’s.  They were each about the size of a Chihuahua.  They weren’t in a terrarium or cage, just playing on the table.  The playing started to get like a little brawling.  I looked away to continue the conversation and when I looked back at them, one had mounted the other and they were having sex, dinosaur style (I would guess).  Well that woke me up.

 

So what’s the point of all this u=other than I g=haven’t written a blog in a while.  Over the last couple of weeks, some wild dreams.

Last week I dreamt of a Zombie clown attack.  I think they were zombies.  They seemed to be.  People kept turning into these clowns.  They weren’t trying to eat me or my brains or anything, and if you gave them a good whack they would fall down and literally into pieces.  I was fighting them and finally killed off the last one.  I went into a department store and saw a bunch of women shopping.  Only women.  I set off on a search and finally found a pimply faced 17 or 18 year old boy and took him to the store, opened the door, and said< “Look it’s all women.”  I realized that all the Zombie Clowns were men.  I turned to my adolescent friend and said “Five women for every guy!”  He smiled a scary, pimply faced smile and went into the department store.  Cut to an aerial shot of a theatre something like the Hollywood Bowl, but indoors.  The seats were filled with men surrounded by 5 women each.  I heard my voice repeat the word “Five women for every guy.”  The image of the theatre dissolved to that young man and me.  I had my arm around his shoulder and said, once again, “Five women for every guy.”  The credits started.  They were cartoon images of Star Wars characters with credit written across them and once again I heard my voice, “Five women for every guy.”  Then there was a pause and then “That’ll be the name of the sequel!!”  Fade to black.

And, the next day I told the kids about it on the way to school and George laughed and repeated that catch phrase.

 

Last night I dreamt that I had twin girls.  I don’t know how I had them or where they came from.  They were practically newborn and I was picking them up.  No clue who the mother was and honestly totally unprepared for this.  I had no baby seats in the car, no crib, no strollers, nothing.  I just remember looking at them, wanting them, loving them, and scared to death as to how I was going to take care of them.  Eventually my problem was solved because I woke up.

 

Once again I told the kids about my dream.  They listened intently and then George, because he is my son, started to laugh.  Through his giggles he said, “Five women for every guy.”

 

There are times I just don’t want to go back to sleep.

Force Awakens More Pondering

The Force Awakens (More Pondering)

 

I think at this point I need to vent to get this off my chest and hopefully out of my head. 

 

I was watching the local news this morning.  The gentleman who is referred to as the entertainment reporter (Sam Rubin, you might remember him as the guy who couldn’t distinguish between Samuel L Jackson and Lawrence Fishbourne a few months back) was at the Critic’s Choice awards.  Well it wasn’t the actual awards yet, it was 6:15 this morning and he was just wandering around the tables.  He was showing us where the various celebrities would be sitting and then got to one and informed us it was for JJ Abrams.  He leaned in towards the camera and in a hushed, almost reverent voice told us that Star Wars was nominated for Best Picture and that often the Critic’s Choice awards make up for the missteps of the Academy.  WHAT?!?!?  I checked to see if I had mysteriously jumped back in time to 1977 but then in 1977, who the heck was JJ Abrams?  This was on the heels, by the way, of the Academy Award nominations yesterday.  After the first 11 were announced, Mr. Rubin came on and mentioned that Star Wars had gotten a lot of nominations.  Those were his words, A Lot!  Of the first 11, Star Wars had gotten 2 nominations.  Hell if there were only two categories, and a movie was nominated in both the term a lot still wouldn’t apply.  I wonder whose ass at Disney is providing the shading for Sam’s nose these days.

 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I enjoyed the Force Awakens but it is by no means a great movie; an award winning film.  Gotta be totally honest here, I’m starting to have trouble considering it as a full film.  I read recently that a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end.  This had the middle part down pat, just seemed to be missing a lot of beginning and it just kinda hung there, instead of ending.  Even Fellowship of the Rings, a clear Book 1 of a trilogy, started and ended.  Star Wars (the original) was said to be the first chapter of the 3^rd book of a trilogy had a beginning, middle, and end.

 

I am a diehard Star Wars fan (I am also a Die Hard fan, but that’s a blog of a different color).  As I mentioned before I awaited the opening of the film, I saw it a bunch of times (and yes I have the movie stubs from the first 25 times I saw it).  I could never get enough.  I couldn’t wait to see the Holiday Special (that was a mistake).  I had great discussions for the three years between Empire and Return of the Jedi about who the other was and if Darth Vader (who we knew since 1977 was named such for “Dark Father”) was Luke’s dad.  My big argument was that Vader was suing the force to manipulate Luke, no way he was the dad (but as we said in the 90’s, “Way!”).  I have toys and books and magazines.  Everywhere I’ve lived has been decorated in what I lovingly refer to as “Early American Star Wars.”  I lived and breathed the movies.  They were and are such an important piece of my life.

 

Let’s hold off on the prequels for a few minutes now.

 

So the Force Awakens comes to us with huge fanfare.  But then why are most of the marketing connections tied to the original trilogy?  Darth Vader and Yoda all over the place.  Even Boba Fett.  Well, I love my Star Wars stuff so I’m not complaining, but seemed very strange to me. 

 

I’m not going to resurrect my review again.  Just, as I mentioned and felt on all 4 viewings.  It isn’t Star Wars.  It lacks the heart.  It lacks the originality.  Hell in one flick we visit Tattooine, Hoth, and the forest moon of Endor (never was sure if the planet was Endor and it was one of many moons, this one featuring a forest or if the moon was named Endor and they just said forest moon as they might say the comedy styling’s of Kevin Pollack).  There was a cantina, The Death Star 3 (oh wait, 3.0 bigger, badder and called Starkiller to make the long time fans squirt).  The one thing that wasn’t copied very well, a story.  A real dramatic conflict.  A villain of any strong sense.  Drama.  Oh sorry, I’m reviewing again.

 

The first comment most of my friends and fellow fans made about this movie was some version of “It was better than the prequels.”  So, you hated the prequels and this was better than them.  Not really saying much.  I will admit, I disagree.  I liked the prequels better but then I never hated the prequels, I happened to enjoy them (and had quite long discussions after Clones as to what Sith would be like and how they might show the transformation of Anankin to Vader and how they would hide the fake that they were twins so there was some surprises for those who watched numerically, not chronologically).  And I longed for the battle I had waited to see since 1977 between Obi Wan and a young Darth that caused him to be enclosed in that armor.  But back to the comparison.  It was good; I liked it better than the prequels.   That says so much about the movie.

 

Well, as usual I ramble.  I’m just really bothered by the movie itself and the way it is being admired, in my opinion, without real justification.  Many have compared it to the original.  Other than a bit of a rip off (see above or better yet watch the two back to back), it lacks the heart, the originality, and the spirit of the original.  Wait, I got it, it lacks the force and in this case Han, that IS how the force works.

 

I’m not done yet.  Everyday more comes to mind as I think about it.  Writing this hasn’t given me the release I had hoped for.  Just raised even more issues.

I welcome discussion.  I love talking about Star Wars (even this alternate universe version).  And, like it or not, I will return.

 

On Line Dating Part 4

On Line Dating (Part 4)

 

Well, I think I am finally over the fascination of On Line Dating.  If you have read my previous blogs, you know that I have been pretty much staying on these sites as a form of entertainment.

 

I get at least 10 winks and requests for chats a week.  All o f these women (and there recently have been a few guys, who I don’t follow up with) have seen my profile picture (me in a hat and meatloaf t shirt and me dressed as Groucho) and find me extremely attractive.  Very Handsome.  You name it, I’m it.  Though their profiles say they are from California or Arizona, or other nearby states once I engage them, they are living in Ghana.  When I started this out, they were all in the fashion industry.  Seems Ghana has had its fill of fashion but it is the prime location for nursing schools.  They continue to be living with the parent who hasn’t died (in one case she moved to Nigeria with her Mom as her Dad died under suspicious circumstances and the mother was potentially guilty).  Or with an Uncle or roommate if both parents have died recently.  They’ve all been on the site for just a day or two and are looking for their soul mate.  And in every case, that’s me.  Within 24 hours they call me dear, or love (one girl insisted on calling me king).

My new strategy is to get pictures from them.  Oddly enough in 2 cases they sent me pics that were, well, let’s just say, not even safe for my work.  We end up on Hangouts.  Many want to text but I inform them that my phone is a company phone and I have gotten in trouble for using it for such things in the past.  One girl called me for a video chat but she and I couldn’t hear each other.  It was interesting as there was a video countdown line across the bottom of the screen.  “Well, love, I’d like to see and hear you but I need a new phone!”  Or webcam, or tablet

My internet connection is bad; send me money to pay for better (Ghana not known for strong internet serve).

 

One of my favorites (and this was after a nude shot from her, not me) was a young girl (she claimed 23) who had $900,000 in gold that she needed to transfer but couldn’t afford the documents.  Another had 500,000 pounds that only needed an empty bank account to transfer into.  “Couldn’t you just take one of your accounts and just leave a dollar in it?”  Last night took the cake.  No money, manager was mean, needed money to eat.  When I said no, she told me how she was going to starve.  I said no again and haven’t heard back from her.  Oh shit!!  Maybe she wasn’t a phony.

 

Oh wait, there was one that I told I had only met scammers (didn’t mention that they were neighbors with her in Ghana).  She asked how and I told her they wanted me to send money.  She proceeds to ask how much I sent.  I responded that I was too embarrassed to admit how much (don’t worry, it was nothing) and she continued to probe me for how much I sent.  Amazing.

 

One of my favorites came from Tinder.  She had actually moved to LA FROM Africa recently.  I got them coming and going.

 

Another girl on Tinder (and I think this one was real) told me that she was a struggling student and for $150 Id get the time of my life.  I honestly considered setting up a go fund me page (to raise the $150 and enough for a hotel) with her picture and caption it with “Help me help a struggling student”.  The other from Tinder was a woman who after on and off back and forth for 2 months told me that she wanted to be in a mutually beneficial relationship.  What was that, I enquired.  Seems I pay her an allowance and she takes care of me.  Again, pretty sure this one existed and was serious.

 

But alas, this bores me.  On to Trivia Crack

The Force Awakens (Part 2)

Star Wars:  The Force Awakens (Part 2)

[Spoiler alert – I’ve waited a week but don’t want to ruin anything for anyone, so if you haven’t seen it and you are going to, read this after]

[I believe my opinion is different than many others who have experienced this move.  Realize that’s what opinions are all about]

[Some of my comments might appear to be nitpicking.  Don’t mean them as such, just helps to make my point]

 

 

. . . I was disappointed.

 

It started out great (I missed the 20^th Century Fox Fanfare but at least I wasn’t greeted by the Princess Palace in all metal with a Storm Trooper clad Tinkerbell sprinkling Pixie Dust).  The words appeared

“A Long Time Ago In a Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . “  My stomach knotted the way it did every time I saw that on the big screen.

 

The music blared – Star Wars appeared and got sucked back into the star field.  The recognizable in style, not words crawl began and I was brought into that galaxy I missed so much.  And the movie started.

 

First, general thoughts.  After about 40 minutes, and enjoying the film, I couldn’t get the feeling of “this isn’t Star Wars”, out of my head.  I couldn’t place my finger on it.  About 2/3 of the way through I started second guessing my zealousness of purchasing tickets for two more viewings, one set for a showing  two days away with a friend and another for a week down the road, with the kids, this time in D Box.  At the end I was, well I was disappointed.  I couldn’t put my finger on why.  Why I felt, though I enjoyed the movie and the characters, and seeing some old friends, disappointed.  I still had that sense that it wasn’t Star Wars.  Then it hit me, and this is such an internal and personal feeling that I can’t really explain it, it lacked the heart of Star Wars.

 

 

 

Let me say this again, I really enjoyed the movie.  It was fun, I liked the characters (both new and old), there was plenty of action, the story was good, it looked beautiful.  It just missed for me.  So I needed to start digging.

 

Han Solo was great to see again.  Matured as anticipated.  I did at one point think he was wearing Indiana Jones’ jacket.  But he was great.  Great action flick for Chewbacca.  There is some controversy over his weapon.  Some wonder why it had taken Han that long to fire it; some say that the Bowcaster is no t designed for humans and that Han couldn’t fire it if he wanted to.  Me, I just enjoyed the scenes.

 

 I liked Rey a lot.  It was nice to see the continued usage of a strong female character.  Rey was especially appreciated as unlike Padme and Leia before her, she has to struggle just to stay alive.  Her strength comes solely from within as she was abandoned at such a young age.  Finn was fun.  I thought he was a bit too goofy (The Big Deal stuff and the I’m with the Resistance “soliloquy’).  Beyond that, I liked what I saw. 

Leia was terribly underutilized.  ‘Nuff said.

I enjoyed C3PO’s appearance and comments but there was something about his appearance that bothered me.  I was fine with the red arm; the rest of him looked too plastic.

 

Looking forward to seeing more of Poe.  I liked Captain Phasma.  She was reminiscent of Kala form the 1980 Flash Gordon.  I really liked seeing an increase number of females on both sides of the ‘aisle’ in this one.  I very much enjoyed Maz.  Great character.  Looks great, fun to listen to and watch.  She’s a Yoda contemporary, wonder if anything happened between them.

Kylo Ren, I was okay with him (even his Darth Tantrum moments).  At first you might be thinking a young Darth Vader, but they have such different child hoods.  I am guessing he is about the same age as Anakin when he became Darth Vader.  Anakin had a lot of training as a Jedi and maturing before he made the decision to turn.  Ben Solo on the other hand had to be a very young child especially if Luke’s been gone for about 20 years.  He left because he lost Ben to the dark side (hmm, remember how Obi Wan blamed himself for Darth Vader).  So there was no maturity turning and most likely not entirely self motivated.  We will see what happens with him

 

Other than the characters, I did like the action and the settings and just about everything else.  It just still didn’t ring true for me.

I also really liked the moment between Kylo and Vader’s mask.  Hearing him referred to as grandfather gave me a bit of a chill. 

 

I was disappointed in how R2 was handled.  It makes no sense that he was deactivated in order to keep the map a secret (can’t imagine why else he was powered down).  As a friend of mine pointed out, he is the best secret keeper there is.  He held the information about the whole Skywalker family in his memory banks,  Threepio’s memory had to be erased.  My theory I she was basically shut down until needed.  Luke felt a disturbance when Han was killed and reactivated him to aid in his being located.  Or Rey (and will get to my theory on her in a bit) being present did it.  If you follow the original trilogy, you would think R2 would have been with Luke all this time.  Speaking of Luke, that last scene, though beautiful, really bothered me.  The movie should have ended with some form of celebration (or more appropriately a memorial for Han).  The finding Luke felt like a tack on because the fans would have been pissed if he wasn’t in this movie.  Of course we were all waiting for the “The Force is strong in my family” monologue, but whatever.  And while I’m on R2, there is a scene with he and Threepio where he says something and Threepio slaps him across, basically, the face.  Now we’ve seen Threepio berate him and kick him (lovingly) but that slap, sorry, it sure seemed a bit too much.  Maybe they didn’t want to repeat the kick but I found this harsh.

So what’s going on with Leia.  She was the only Force sensitive left after the Battle of Endor (as far as we know) and she never got any training.  If you read the Return of the Jedi novelization it really keys in on her being pretty into the Force.  I would think she would have been the first one trained.  Doesn’t make logical sense.

And speaking of the Force, how is it that Finn can yield that lightsaber on par with Ren.  He even gets a hit in on him.  Quite a battle for someone trained to use a blaster and maintenance on the Starkiller.  And yes, I’ve considered that maybe they train Stormtroopers to use weapons (like that cool electrical thing the guy fights Finn with) but why.  As far as they know, they will never have to come up against lightsabers.  Remember all the Jedi, sans Luke, are gone.  I do have a theory on Finn that might explain it.

And why couldn’t Ren get that lightsaber out of the snow.  Hell Luke, with very little training was able to do it on Hoth.  And he was upside down.  I’m okay with Rey’s abilities because they had already been established.  Again, a bit too good too soon but, after all, this isn’t Star Wars.

The Starkiller, what the hell???  All of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, there is a scene circa 1938 Germany with Hitler addressing the troops and then they shoot this thing off.  Hey, I’m good with the scene as it was but give us a little background and maybe even some purpose other than just wanton destruction.  At least with the Death Star there was discussion as to what it did and an actual motivation for using it.  Both times.  And how close together were those 4 planets anyway.

It’s been what, 30 years since Return of the Jedi.  Suddenly Luke Skywalker is a myth?  I get Han (and Luke) could be considered legends but it’s been less than half a century.  Don’t they have books and classes and History lessons?  So, one might argue, the force was considered an ancient religion in Star Wars (oh, sorry, A New Hope) and it had only been 20 years since Revenge of the Sith.  The differences, those 20 years were und oppression and suppression of the truth.  History is communicated in such an environment as whispers and stories and ultimately become myths and fables.  Return of the Jedi brought on a freer society.  It plays well but doesn’t make sense.

 

I guess there’s a thin line between homage and remake.  I think that line was tread here.  There was quite a bit that seems to have been copied from the original.  The parsecs mention (which I thought was great considering the controversy over it) was great. The trash compactor mention, loved it.  I would have liked a reference to Han shooting first with Greedo.  Who knows, maybe Chewie mentioned it.  But there were giant pieces that seemed like they were lifted right out of the original.

Overall, too many questions.  I’ve heard this defended by many with the idea that we know there are going to be sequels that will explain things.  And I guess that’s the way movies are made these days.  You leave gaping holes because you know or hope they’ll be answered in a future movie or book or other media outlet.  And yes, I know that Episodes 2 and 5 left us needing more, but as Lucas explained, they were second acts, needing a third act to complete the full story.  The first act, in my opinion, should be stand alone.  The entertainment value is what should leave you wanting more.  I believe that’s the way many of us felt after the original.  We couldn’t wait to get invited back to that world.  Not because we needed to but because we wanted to. 

 

And yes, I have theories.  Many in line I’m sure with the mass population.  The first, most obvious, Rey is Luke’s daughter.  I believe she was born after his self imposed exile which is why there would have been no sense of family when she meets up with Han and Leia.  I’ve heard she’s Ben’s twin but I doubt Leia’s memory was erased and there would have been something upon their being reunited.  But she’s such a great pilot, must be Han’s daughter!!  Luke, like his father before him, were both great pilots.  Makes sense that it would come natural to her as well (remember, Anakin was the only human that could race a pod).

 

The day after I saw the movie for the first time I must have received a dozen messages and emails asking who the old guy in the beginning was (Max von Sydow’s character)  I had and have no clue.  He certainly was presented as someone we should know.  My first thought was General Dodona from the Yavin Battle but I think he would be older.  I kinda wanted him to be Wedge, cause I miss Wedge.  Another thought was General Madine from the Endor battle.  He does have a name and it isn’t any of those so no clue.

Someone told me they thought that Finn was the son of Lando Calrissian.  In an effort to continue to insist on relating the Black characters to each other I jokingly said he was probably the grandson of Mace Windu.  Then I gave them some thought and the lightsaber battle some thought and, well, hmmmm . . . . .

 

I’ve seen it 3 times, I will see it again.  My last viewing I enjoyed much more than the first.  I’m still not feeling the heart.  I still think something is missing.  But, after all, it is called Star Wars.

 

Maybe it’s the Earth 2 equivalent to a galaxy far, far away . . . .

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Part 1)

Star Wars:  The Force Awakens (Part 1)

[Spoiler alert – I’ve waited a week but don’t want to ruin anything for anyone, so if you haven’t seen it and you are going to, read this after]

[I believe my opinion is different than many others who have experienced this move.  Realize that’s what opinions are all about]

[Some of my comments might appear to be nitpicking.  Don’t mean them as such, just helps to make my point]

 

As many of you know, I am a pretty big Star Wars fan.  I have been since I first heard of the movie in December of 1976.  Even more so as I began seeing articles and stills through the early part of 1977.  I became so enthralled with them film that the girl I was dating refused to let me refer to it by name.  I had to call it “The Movie”, and even then, rarely allowed to mention it.  No, I was not there on May 25, 1977.  I was 17, scared of driving on the Schuylkill Expressway, and a theatre in Philadelphia was one of the less than 30 screens it debuted on across the country.  I waited, graduated high school, and waited, changed my name to Uncle Gregg (now Unkle Gregg) and waited, flew to Germany and back and waited.  Then it was suddenly July 21^st and I lined up (7^th in line) for the 1:15 PM show.  Prior to leaving for the theatre (at the Valley Forge Sheraton, I might add) my mom expressed her concern, “I hope you aren’t disappointed.”  I was far from disappointed.  The film that would alter my life unfolded before me.  I booed when Darth Vader appeared.  I held my breath as I entered hyper drive.  I gripped my seat as I flew down the Death star trench.  And I cheered when our heroes received their medals (poor Chewie).  I left the theatre with just 2 questions, when will I see it again and will there be more.  I saw it again the next day, then 2 days later, then 3 days after that.  By the end of the year, I had seen it 8 times.  Every time fully enjoying it. 

 

Life happened, more Star Wars happened.  Things were happy.  I remember reading about a year after Return of the Jedi came out that Lucas said that next he would tackle the first three episodes and that he was waiting until the actors were old enough to portray themselves in the final trilogy.  Somewhere around Empire, he had talked about 12 movies, three of which were just off shoots. 

 

Early 1990’s I read an article based on an interview with Lucas.  Nope, he was done, no prequels, no sequels.  By now, Star Wars had entered the world of the written page, and this seemed to be the fate of that Galaxy far, far away.

 

The Special Editions happened.  Hell, I enjoyed them.  Why complain, it was more Star Wars!  Yeah, we all know Han shot first (until my recent discovery I posted about in Facebook revealing the mysterious third shooter on the “sandy” knoll).  It was great seeing them on the big screen again. 

 

More waiting.  The prequels, which I didn’t mind at all.  Sith is my favorite followed by Clones and then Phantom Menace.  I get that they were expository.  I get that the first one was geared at kids and subsequent ones for older and older folks.  I get that Episode I wasn’t going to be about Anakin becoming Darth Vader.  I was a fan from way back.  I enjoyed what was presented before me, whether it is what I personally wanted or not.  Not my Galaxy to play with.  And they still had the heart of the first.  They still felt like Star Wars.  Side note, watch Revenge of the Sith and follow it with Return of the Jedi.  There is something that happens to Jedi that wasn’t there when I first saw it (no, not the apparitions at the end).

 

Then a bunch of stuff happened, oddly the stars were of the appropriate age and Star Wars VII was announced.  Very cool.  What’s Lucas got planned?  Why was he so protective of this part of the timeline with the novels?  How old are the twins?  Does Luke go bad (again)?  Wait a minute, what was that?  You aren’t filming Lucas’ story?  You are getting rid of the expanded universe?  That’s cool, JJ Abrams is a big fan and knows his stuff and he did (in my opinion) a great job in reenvisioning Star Trek (note, reenvisioning, not continuing).

 

At 7:00 PM PST, on December 17, 2015 I sat, third row center, reclining chair, surrounded by my kids to see the first new Star Wars movie (not including Clone Wars) I had seen in over 10 years.  And my mother’s words rang true.  I was disappointed.

 

To be continued . . .

My Relatives from France

My Relatives from France

 

I don’t remember the actual day I discovered this but I have loved it ever since.  I mean, how simply perfect and appropriate.  I’ve always loved my name and so much more now.

 

So, I know you’ve heard of my relatives from France.

 

You know, The French Stickelers!!

 

I only wish I had mentioned this to my Dad.  If he hadn’t thought of it himself, it would have given him a good laugh.  The day will come that I will hand this information down to my son (though he’s a clever lad, may catch it himself).

 

But honestly, with being descended from these French Stickelers (if you aren’t hearing it, say it out loud) there is quite an expectation to live up to.

 

Have a nice day!!

On Line Dating Part 3

Online Dating Part 3

 

Okay, I’ll be honest; these dating sites have become my Candy Crush.  Addictive and can’t help playing whenever I am sitting with my tablet.  Let me start out by saying, I know, there are a lot of scammers out there.  Believe me; this is done pretty much for recreational purposes.  For a precaution, however, I never go to one with my credit cards easily accessible.

 

I’ve mentioned this before and I will again, I have met a few (very few) nice people through these sites and in most cases, I am pretty sure they are real.  My first clue?  They haven’t asked for any money.  And on the occasions where I have video chatted or met them, they look the same as their pictures.  Oh yeah, and they aren’t 32 and in love with my profile pic.

 

I joined a new site recently.  A friend told me about it and the gateway sites Id been on had started to dry up.  Within 24 hours of posting (basically my name, gender, age and gender I am interested in) I received over 25 “likes” or “winks” as they call them.  Many reached out to me via the sites messaging board.  Some just said hi, some told me how handsome my picture was.  Well of the two pics I have up there, one is me as Groucho.  I’m hoping they meant the other one.

If they reach out to chat, I normally respond.  Then they immediately want to get off the site and talk on hangouts or through texting or email.  Once on the alternate site they tell me all about themselves.  Where my first dalliance leaned more towards the fashion industry, these ladies are nurses or nursing students.  Some in Ghana, on in South Africa, one in Ireland, a couple in Nigeria.  They are all single, Catholic, and live with a roommate or with their uncle, as their parents have recently died.  And most importantly, they are all desperately in love with me.  Between my profile pic (or Groucho) and a few quick little chats of hi, how are you and the one I send first, just looking to meet people, I guess I become unbelievable desirable.

 

Jump forward a few days.  One has asked for a cell phone.  One wants me to help out with her bills.  One has hinted to me investing in her families, yet to be determined, business.  I will say that they have been quite consistent when they send a variety of pictures.  Almost always the same girl.  On the other hand, their speech patterns differ depending on what time of day we are chatting.  And they prey on what I guess appears to be low self esteem.  Constantly building me up. I’ve considered flying to Ghana and running for president there.  I am that wonderful.

 

Nope, I’m not falling for it.  All in good fun for me.  And the time they spend with me is less time than they spend with some other sucker who might actually send them money.

 

Just to be clear, I started with the online thing to meet people.  And I have been very fortunate in that regard.  This part is just all out fun for me.

 

Well, gotta run, just got another proposal.

 

[if you so desire, look for Online Dating parts 1 and 2 in previous Blog entries]